I don't know if there exists an exact moment when this enlightenment came over me. However, I can pinpoint the time period and frame of mind. It began in 1972 ensconced in the sylvan setting of Siena College. I explored my inner space, faced my demons and my guardian angels realizing they were in essence the same - yin/yang, sturm und drang. LSD illuminates, but its radiance can be fraught with danger. At that time and place, naiveté and trust in my fellow adventurers kept the darkness at bay.
The awareness that the fabric of the universe enfolds all blossomed within me. I became an animist. Everything from the stars to the dust motes floating before my dilated pupils were one and the same. I had studied the oversoul of the Transcendentalists, the Vendanta of Hinduism, Roman Catholic eschatology, the absurdism of Camus, et. al. But these sterile academic endeavors were faint candles compared to the klieg light of realization that psychedelics gave.
The impetus for my latest reflection was the passing of Paul Kantner. My introduction to what was originally called the San Francisco Sound came from the Grateful Dead's first album. It was early 1967. My older sister was a Beatles fan. Being the typical little brother, I was looking for the most unBeatle band I could find. Before I heard a note, the album cover displaying these hirsute simians (an early reviewer's description of the band) captured my 12-year old imagination.
The next year, Life magazine had the Jefferson Airplane on the cover. Soon, the Dead, the Airplane, Quicksilver Messenger Service monopolized my hi-fi. At the same time, I came across Hells Angels - The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs. The author's name, Hunter Thompson, meant nothing to me then, but my worm had begun to turn. This led to The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, which led to On the Road. Like Alice, I had gone down the rabbit hole.
In August 1972, my parents had dropped me off in Loudonville, NY to begin my collegiate education. They never suspected that the music I was listening to, and the books I was reading were preparing me to venture through the looking glass.
In the years that followed, I cut my tethers to the straight world and strove to follow the words of Neal Cassady and live my life as art. It wasn't all fun and frolic. My parents feared I'd end up in prison or a psych-ward. In retrospect, my actions seem immature and reckless. Later I filled my heart with regret and shame over wasting time with hedonistic aggrandizement.
That has passed. I now realize every misturn, mistake and misadventure led me to where and who I am today. For good or ill, as Popeye opined "I yam who I yam!" as ever BB
“We are actually fourth dimensional beings in a third dimensional body inhabiting a second dimensional world!” - Neal Cassady
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